taking a break

today it is cold and rainy outside. and usually i eat my lunch at my desk and go out and run errands on my lunch break. but i really don't have any errands to run today, and it's so yucky outside, i really don't want to get out to do nothing. and, if i do go out, i will just go somewhere that i am tempted to spend money. so - today i'm going to stay in and take my break here in my office. i'm going to dream about spending money.

this spring shaun and i are thinking (just thinking/dreaming) about putting our house on the market and moving somewhere new. we will of course stay here in lex, but we want to find a house that is a little bigger that we can stay in for a loooong time. i love our little house. it has been a wonderful first home. but, if finances line up and we are able to sell our house, we are ready to move on.

so, why am i telling you this? because moving means a clean slate - a new place to decorate! (whoops, the rhymes...) and i've got tons and TONS of ideas spinning around in my head. i've been thinking about some of these things for awhile, but hadn't given them much thought b/c i have a 4 month old. and, because some of these ideas mean spending some money. and if we want to move, we have to save. but once the move is on, i'm implementing as many of my ideas as i can get away with!

first- the guest bedroom. right now we have an old bed frame that is a light oak color. it was actually my mom's bed when she was a teenager. also, there is a really u.g.l.y nightstand that belonged to shaun in his college days. (i've kept it only because we needed somewhere to put the tv on in the guest room) well, i have dreams to paint them! i was watching HGTV the other day (i'm kind of obsessed) and they painted some mis-matching furniture the same color and it looked awesome! like an eclectic little set. i REALLY want to do this. i'm thinking a light aqua color. and i'm going to replace the hardware on the nightstand. i'm thinking pretty glass nobs would look perfect. i want to do the walls in a light gray. something that will make the furniture stand out more. and i want light bedding too. i have a white quilt on the guest bed right now. i'm pretty sure shaun will want me keep that for a bit longer and if i want to move on to other projects, i will most likely agree.

second- our bedroom. right now it's a wonderful shade of blue. a lake blue. i really like it a lot. we have some wonderful dark wood furniture in there and i've always loved the blue and brown combination.

our room after we first moved in. bedding has changed, but the furniture and walls are the same.

but a new house means new colors. so, for the our next bedroom i want red. don't get freaked. i don't mean red walls. i mean red accents. and not red red. but not burgundy either. more like a brick red. and some tan and cream too. i think a nice neutral on the walls would be nice, and then red on the bed. and maybe, just maybe some bright aqua? it's so cute and trendy right now. i'm not committing to it 100%, but its an idea i have. i really like this pillow from pottery barn. this is the look/vibe i'm thinking.

Still clean lines, but a little richer. i'm thinking that in our next house i would like to have more subdued walls and then pops of fun and color in the accents. right now, all my walls are painted distinct colors. i really can't change things much at all. this way, i'll have more flexibility whenever i get new ideas.

OK- third and final for right now. (this is by no means the end of my ideas, but i don't want to get too far ahead of myself. we may not even move. i guess if we don't i could do all these things to my current house, but that's not as fun.) the kitchen. i want white cabinets, a subway tile back splash, butcher block countertops and green planty accents. wow! what a dream! i'll probably get the white cabinets (probably have to paint), and the green accents will probably be possible too. but the back splash and countertops will most likely be in the years to come. right now our kitchen is brown. brown walls, brown cabinets, and brown counter tops that look like fake wood. i want something fresh!

so, this blog is mostly for me to remember all the ideas i have in my head. i felt like i needed to write them down somewhere. i still have so many more, but i'll save those for another time.

hope you enjoyed my rambling. now, back to work. breaks over...

let's try mousse

i really like making desserts (and eating them too, duh) and for christmas my brother got me a great new dessert cook book. so, this past weekend i decided to take a stab at one of the recipes. and i chose one from the international dessert section. a bitter chocolate mousse. made with orange liquor and yummy "expensive" chocolate.

i have to admit it was kind of tricky. luckily for christmas i also got my beautiful stand mixer. there was a lot of beating. and beating and beating and beating. i also had to use my old hand mixer, but was very thankful for my kitchen-aid.

there's kind of something that comes over me whenever i'm baking. i get stressed out and think to myself "what am i doing? how did i get myself into this?" but as soon as i taste test my progressing creation i get really excited about what i'm doing. and when shaun walks in and peeks over my shoulder wondering when can have a bite, i look forward to serving it.

so here's my finished product. our friends paul and steph came over and on saturday night when i served my mousse. everyone ate every bite. i was pretty excited to see everyone enjoyed what i had made. in the end it wasn't as difficult as it seemed somewhere in the middle. if anyone wants the recipe let me know. i decided not to add it as my blog. sometimes i don't like reading blogs on food preparation. which is strange since it's something i enjoy. but anyway - let me know if you want to give it a try. it was really yummy and kind of fancy!

ps- even though this blog is pretty short it took my quite a while to write tonight. why? because shaun is out with his bible study guys and i'm at home alone (baby C is asleep -- don't worry) watching the bachelor! i've never really watched one before and these girls are ridiculous! there are boobs flying around everywhere! but i'm hooked....i. can't. stop. watching.

it's a new year!

i'm a bad blogger. really bad. but, i'm a new mom so it's ok, right....?

i'm really good at reading other blogs though. and a few of the blogs i've read have included new year's resolutions. so, i've decided to jump on the band wagon and write a set of my own. but i have to admit, these are pretty obtainable. i only have a year...let's be realistic.


so here we go...

#1- loose weight. yup. i'm one of those. but to be fair i just had a baby 4 months ago. i was loosing weight before the holidays but put it on hold so i could enjoy all the junk food that was bountifully set before me EVERYWHERE i went. now i'm getting back on track.


#2- finish caro's baby book. and not just add pictures, but also document milestones. so far so bad...

#3- read more and watch less tv. the watch less tv part should be fairly easy. but the read more is going to be tough. i like to read. i most recently read the whole twilight series and LOVED it. i'm afraid though that the read more resolution is going to be accomplished by books like the very hungry caterpillar and good night moon. oh well. it's reading so it still counts.


#4- spend more time with the lord. i've been sooooo bad about this lately. i could blame it on a hundred things and people would probably understand and sympathize with me, but it doesn't matter. they are still excuses.

#5- blog more. i like this blog thing and want to get better and more creative with it.


#6- be more creative. i can make things. why don't i?


#7- bake. i really like to bake and for christmas i got my coveted kitchen-aid stand mixer. i want to make creative and pretty things. and blog about them. and share them with co-workers. or else #1 goes straight out the window...


#8- not get pregnant. i LOVE my baby with all my heart, but i'm not ready for another one. we are a happy family of 3 right now and i really want to keep it like this for awhile.




#9- go on more dates. with shaun. =) we need our date night back. i love him so much and am so thankful for him. i love spending one on one time with my best friend. he's amazing!


#10- i don't have a 10th. i just felt like a list of 10 would be good, but i don't want to just make up something. i'm sticking with 9. 9er...


so here we go. 2010 i'm ready for you! this is the first year i've ever written down resolutions. i like this. i know where to find them if i forget, and i think this will help me be more intentional about them. we all need goals. and hopefully i won't let you down.

joy

i was driving back from my lunch break today and got stuck in traffic on nicholasville road. not a big surprise, but today it is raining and cold and there is christmas traffic and i was running late. so, as i was sitting there i decided i wasn't going to be upset. that's right - wasn't. i don't really know how that happened, but that's what i decided. i'm always telling shaun that it's a waste of energy to get angry over things we can't control. so today i listened to my own rule. and as i sat there i started thinking of all the things that bring me joy at christmas.

1- my sweet baby girl and my wonderful husband. i can't tell you how blessed i am this christmas to have them. it was this time last year that we found out we were pregnant. and here we are enjoying and loving every minute with our 3 month old!

2- frosted cranberry. it's a scent that bath and body works has every christmas and it smells AMAZING!! i have a frosted cranberry wallflower in my entry way at home and every day i am greeted by this amazing smell! i ask for the candle every year.

3- red cups from starbucks. i get so excited when i see them. especially when they are filled with peppermint white chocolate mochas! mmmmmm.....

4- wrapped presents. all of my presents are wrapped and under the tree. i love, love wrapping presents mostly because of the bows. i'm not very creative with them, but i just love the way they look. i love that they shine and sparkle under the tree lights, and i think a beautifully wrapped gift makes the actual gift so much more fun.

5- This Christmas by Donny Hathaway. i sing it every year when we start decorating. shaun hates it, but i never care. it makes me want to sing it more! and this year i realized that caroline loves this song too. i'm not kidding. she gets the biggest smile on her face every time i sing that song. even shaun has started to sing it to get her to smile. my plan has worked.....

6- baby jesus. christ. he is the main reason for my joy. he is the reason i wake up, i breathe and that i live the life i do. he is what this time of year is all about. and although i do enjoy giving and getting presents, i will never forget and always be thankful for this gift. eternal life and joy forever.

so this season i am going to do my best to continue to find joy. even while sitting in traffic or driving 3 hours with a 3 month old in the back. joy. joy...

mondays on tuesdays - faith

well, it is not my intention to only post once a week and have every entry called "mondays on tuesdays", but that seems to be what happened here. oh well.

my monday this week was again different than most mondays will be. i had to work. most weeks i will have mondays off, but this week i have thursday and friday off for thanksgiving, so i worked yesterday. my monDAY was nothing to blog about. i did try to leave for lunch and my car started smoking and smelling of burnt rubber. i broke a belt. whatev. i've only had this car FOR 2 MONTHS! but i don't feel like blogging about that. i would like to think about that as little as possible!

so, monday night. i have an aunt and uncle that live here in town and 2 cousins that grew up here but have now moved to new york and colorado. tricia (the one in NY) and lizzie (the one in CO) were in town and we had a wonderful last minute thanksgiving dinner last night because lizzie left to go back to CO this morning, only to jump a plane to uganda next week. she works for YWAM (youth with a mission) and is always off to wonderful places to spread the good news of Jesus. for her to jump on a plane and head out is nothing unusual for our family to hear.
lizzie is leading that life i dreamt about living but never felt "called" to. she was called. and she goes to crazy places at crazy times. but as we were remembering last night, lizzie has the amazing talent to be very close to disaster, but far enough away to stay safe.

Examples:

1- going to azerbaijan right after 9/11.

2- being in thailand when that disastrous tsunami hit in 2004.

3- being in taiwan when that crazy typhoon hit earlier this year.

4- living in colorado and working for YWAM when a shooter killed 2 people on another YWAM base is CO only about 10 miles from her base.

like i said- she's close, but always safe. so, i worry about her, but i have faith that god sends her to these places and he will keep her safe while she is there.

it makes me wonder how people live without faith. so many things that i put my faith in have the basis of god to keep them strong. my marriage. i have "faith" in my marriage, but my marriage is based in god so i first had faith that god would provide me with shaun and we would devote ourselves to each other forever. i have "faith" that the sun will rise each morning. i know the earth and sun are god's creation and i have faith that he will continue to provide sunshine. i need this faith to help me through the day. i need faith to help me through my nights.

i need little reminders that encourage me to keep my faith strong. I know that times will come and uncertainty will strike, but my faith will get me through. my faith is going to be all i have somedays. and although my faith isn't being tested right now, i need to remember how important it is so that in times of trouble i know it's there.

Faith: you know you're gonna live through the rain

Lord you got to keep the faith

Faith: don't you let your love turn to hate

Right now we've got to

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

Lord we got to keep the faith

~Bon Jovi

mondays on tuesdays

i am VERY fortunate to have every monday off right now to spend at home with my baby girl. so, i've decided that on tuesdays i will blog about my mondays. i know it seems like i should be blogging when i'm off and at home, but it's not as easy as you think. (ie: why i only blogged once when i was on maternity leave and that was before shaun went back to work.)

well, this monday was hopefully different than future mondays will be. sunday morning i was woken up by a little baby cough over the monitor. i didn't think much of it because caroline does cough and sneeze here and there. dr. mack (our pediatrician) said that's normal for babies. but as the day went on, the cough continued. and her breathing became louder. so, sunday night shaun and i decided i would call the dr. in the morning and take her in. we put her down for the night around 9:30 and we headed to bed about an hour or so later. then at 1am i woke up to more coughing. i picked her up to pat the cough away, but shortly after i would put her back down she would cough again. i went to go lay in bed when the coughing quieted for awhile, but then laid there awake wondering if she was breathing. i'm sure she is. right? i got up probably 3 times before i just decided to sleep in her room. what? that's right. i just couldn't help but lay down in bed and wonder if she was breathing. but if i slept in her room i would be able to hear her. THANKFULLY we have a recliner in her room. so, i grabbed my pillow and a blanket and settled in.

now, if i was an outsider i would totally be thinking "overreacter!". but i have a friend with a 3 month old. her baby got rsv which is a common and can be very dangerous sickness in babies. she laid him down for a nap one afternoon and then later had trouble waking him up. uh. i just kept thinking about that. i didn't know what was going on with her. i've never had a baby let alone one with a cough, snotty nose and loud breathing! so, in an attempt to get some sleep i slept in her room. all night i was reassured by her heavy breathing. i know it would have been better if her breathing wasn't labored, but at least there was breathing to be labored. i've never felt like i did that night. there was no question in my mind that i was suppose to be anywhere else but in that chair. and not one time was i upset or annoyed that i was sleeping there. honestly i was thankful. thankful that granny gave us that rocking recliner for caroline's room. =)

so, my monday. i took her to dr. mack in the morning and he said she was fine. she had just picked up a little cold, but it wasn't bad at all. there wasn't even any medicine to give. just use some saline drops, clear out her nose and use a humidifier at night. easy stuff. as long as she doesn't run a fever, she will be fine. so we went to the gap, and then went home. she was a happy sweet baby all day. she even wanted me to take her picture and send it to daddy to reassure him she was OK and feeling better.

but i keep thinking about sunday night. the fear that took over me when i thought something might really be wrong with her. the reaction to go sleep in her room and the fact that i didn't even question it. i've heard stories of mom's sleeping with their babies or sleeping in their rooms and i have to admit i always thought that sounded crazy. but when i thought something might really be wrong with my baby and that she might stop breathing while i was comfy in my bed, what other option did i have? i woke up with every sound she made. i laid there and watched her to make sure her little chest was moving when i couldn't hear her breathes. i got almost no sleep at all, but still managed to function all day monday, until shaun got home from work. honestly, i didn't even notice that i was tired until he was there.

i've come to the conclusion that i have a new super power that i was unaware of. one that hadn't been tapped into until caroline was born. it's a power that probably every mom knows about, but doesn't know how to explain. or has never bothered to explain because it came so naturally it didn't seem weird. it's the power to function on no sleep and love every minute of it because you know your baby is ok. i've heard that mom's had super powers but now i understand. and i'm sure that i'll discover other powers along the way. and i anticipate using this power many more times in the future.

and yes, i would like a cape. a green one of course...

an update! (happy shaun?)

what a whirlwind! i feel like it was just yesterday that i was sitting at this desk, blogging about how i can't wait to have a baby! and now 10 weeks have passed and i have blogged once. but it's not like anyone really reads this. just shaun. he asks me weekly when i'm going to blog again. well here you go shauny, i'm bloggin'!

well as you can imagine, as a new mother, things have been busy. but, things have been wonderful. every morning starts early, but starts with the sweet smile of my baby girl.

i am now back at work, so that smile means the world to me. it helps me know that she remembers me and loves me, even though i can't be with her all day like i have been for the past 9 1/2 weeks. of course, i know that going back to work is way harder for me than it is her. i doubt she fully understands what has happened. but, i still worry that she won't recognize me when i pick her up. silly? i don't care. i can't help it. she has been my world for the past 10 weeks, and now i'm away from her for 8 hours a day! 8 hours! and those 8 hours are the best hours too. she is happy and smiley after each bottle. and effortlessly falls asleep in my arms once she is done "playing". she talks and coos while i'm changing her diaper. and i have been able to witness every milestone so far. now i can't help but wonder what i'm missing at this moment. or i can't help but think about what she is doing. is she sleeping? eating? crying? laughing? all those things i miss.

the bright side to all of this is that she is mine FOREVER!!! of course i miss my baby. that is to be expected. i just have to focus on the fact that i get to see her everyday no matter what, even if it's only for a short period of time. everyday i get to hold her and kiss her and love her forever and ever.

i'm so thankful for the time that i had off. i'm thankful that i got to be home and witness everything that happened in her first 10 weeks of life. i still can't believe sometimes that i was fully responsible for a newborn baby. that anything and everything that she needed had to be provided by me. i was her life line. and still am. that is a crazy concept when you think about it. i created and carried a human. and now she is my responsibility forever. wow. wow. it just goes to show how amazing god is. i mean, it's really all him. i did carry caroline for 9 months, but god formed her in my womb. he kept me safe so that i could protect her. he created me 28 years ago knowing that this is what i would do and he made it possible. he gave me the strength and patience and love to pour out on my daughter. he gave me the greatest gift i've ever been given next to shaun. i am truly in love.