not today...

you know that feeling you get when you're about to take a long awaited vacation? you have been planning and preparing and you know that a week away from work is soooo close. it's just about the only thing you can think about. or, that feeling you got the week before your wedding? back in 2006, it was july 21st. and almost every thought of every day revolved around that day. i knew it was going to be the most amazing day of my life and i was going to start an amazing adventure with the man i loved.

the thing about vacations and weddings is that you know the day the adventure will begin. you have it marked on your calendar and when that day circled in red is here, you wake up ready to hit the road! now, imagine preparing and planning for that day, but not knowing exactly when it's coming. every morning you wake up and think, "is today the day?" or "crap! i thought for sure we would have left sometime in the night!" well, I'M THERE!! i'm here! just waiting. getting up every morning and going to work like usual, but sitting at my desk wondering, "will i be here tomorrow?" and you would think that this thought would motivate me to get as much done as possible in preparation for my departure. but it doesn't. i can't focus. i'm constantly thinking about being off FOR 2 MONTHS!! i'm constantly reading stuff online, looking at baby announcements options, and blogging!

and you know how right before you leave for vacation you think, "i can't eat that! i've got to put on a bathing suit in 4 days!" or how you can easily pass on that donut right before you get married because you think "i'm about to have a million pictures taken of my on the most important day of my life! passing up that donut is TOTALLY worth it!" well, here's what's going on in my crazy head! "when this baby comes, i am back on the weight watchers train! but until bc gets here, i'm going to live it up! and bc might be here tomorrow, so i might as well have a donut for breakfast and a blizzard after dinner because soon i won't be eating either!" and you might be thinking, that's not so bad. but what if that has been your frame of mind for the past 2 weeks?!? i'm going to have a 12 pound baby at this rate!!

ok, ok. i sound like a crazy person. a crazy pregnant lady who will forget about all this nonsense soon because i will be a different kind of crazy. but right now, i have a problem. an impatiently-waiting-can't-stop-eating-sweets kind of problem. this is normal, right?