Tuesday, November 17, 2009

mondays on tuesdays

i am VERY fortunate to have every monday off right now to spend at home with my baby girl. so, i've decided that on tuesdays i will blog about my mondays. i know it seems like i should be blogging when i'm off and at home, but it's not as easy as you think. (ie: why i only blogged once when i was on maternity leave and that was before shaun went back to work.)

well, this monday was hopefully different than future mondays will be. sunday morning i was woken up by a little baby cough over the monitor. i didn't think much of it because caroline does cough and sneeze here and there. dr. mack (our pediatrician) said that's normal for babies. but as the day went on, the cough continued. and her breathing became louder. so, sunday night shaun and i decided i would call the dr. in the morning and take her in. we put her down for the night around 9:30 and we headed to bed about an hour or so later. then at 1am i woke up to more coughing. i picked her up to pat the cough away, but shortly after i would put her back down she would cough again. i went to go lay in bed when the coughing quieted for awhile, but then laid there awake wondering if she was breathing. i'm sure she is. right? i got up probably 3 times before i just decided to sleep in her room. what? that's right. i just couldn't help but lay down in bed and wonder if she was breathing. but if i slept in her room i would be able to hear her. THANKFULLY we have a recliner in her room. so, i grabbed my pillow and a blanket and settled in.

now, if i was an outsider i would totally be thinking "overreacter!". but i have a friend with a 3 month old. her baby got rsv which is a common and can be very dangerous sickness in babies. she laid him down for a nap one afternoon and then later had trouble waking him up. uh. i just kept thinking about that. i didn't know what was going on with her. i've never had a baby let alone one with a cough, snotty nose and loud breathing! so, in an attempt to get some sleep i slept in her room. all night i was reassured by her heavy breathing. i know it would have been better if her breathing wasn't labored, but at least there was breathing to be labored. i've never felt like i did that night. there was no question in my mind that i was suppose to be anywhere else but in that chair. and not one time was i upset or annoyed that i was sleeping there. honestly i was thankful. thankful that granny gave us that rocking recliner for caroline's room. =)

so, my monday. i took her to dr. mack in the morning and he said she was fine. she had just picked up a little cold, but it wasn't bad at all. there wasn't even any medicine to give. just use some saline drops, clear out her nose and use a humidifier at night. easy stuff. as long as she doesn't run a fever, she will be fine. so we went to the gap, and then went home. she was a happy sweet baby all day. she even wanted me to take her picture and send it to daddy to reassure him she was OK and feeling better.

but i keep thinking about sunday night. the fear that took over me when i thought something might really be wrong with her. the reaction to go sleep in her room and the fact that i didn't even question it. i've heard stories of mom's sleeping with their babies or sleeping in their rooms and i have to admit i always thought that sounded crazy. but when i thought something might really be wrong with my baby and that she might stop breathing while i was comfy in my bed, what other option did i have? i woke up with every sound she made. i laid there and watched her to make sure her little chest was moving when i couldn't hear her breathes. i got almost no sleep at all, but still managed to function all day monday, until shaun got home from work. honestly, i didn't even notice that i was tired until he was there.

i've come to the conclusion that i have a new super power that i was unaware of. one that hadn't been tapped into until caroline was born. it's a power that probably every mom knows about, but doesn't know how to explain. or has never bothered to explain because it came so naturally it didn't seem weird. it's the power to function on no sleep and love every minute of it because you know your baby is ok. i've heard that mom's had super powers but now i understand. and i'm sure that i'll discover other powers along the way. and i anticipate using this power many more times in the future.

and yes, i would like a cape. a green one of course...

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