well as you can imagine, as a new mother, things have been busy. but, things have been wonderful. every morning starts early, but starts with the sweet smile of my baby girl.
i am now back at work, so that smile means the world to me. it helps me know that she remembers me and loves me, even though i can't be with her all day like i have been for the past 9 1/2 weeks. of course, i know that going back to work is way harder for me than it is her. i doubt she fully understands what has happened. but, i still worry that she won't recognize me when i pick her up. silly? i don't care. i can't help it. she has been my world for the past 10 weeks, and now i'm away from her for 8 hours a day! 8 hours! and those 8 hours are the best hours too. she is happy and smiley after each bottle. and effortlessly falls asleep in my arms once she is done "playing". she talks and coos while i'm changing her diaper. and i have been able to witness every milestone so far. now i can't help but wonder what i'm missing at this moment. or i can't help but think about what she is doing. is she sleeping? eating? crying? laughing? all those things i miss.
the bright side to all of this is that she is mine FOREVER!!! of course i miss my baby. that is to be expected. i just have to focus on the fact that i get to see her everyday no matter what, even if it's only for a short period of time. everyday i get to hold her and kiss her and love her forever and ever.
i'm so thankful for the time that i had off. i'm thankful that i got to be home and witness everything that happened in her first 10 weeks of life. i still can't believe sometimes that i was fully responsible for a newborn baby. that anything and everything that she needed had to be provided by me. i was her life line. and still am. that is a crazy concept when you think about it. i created and carried a human. and now she is my responsibility forever. wow. wow. it just goes to show how amazing god is. i mean, it's really all him. i did carry caroline for 9 months, but god formed her in my womb. he kept me safe so that i could protect her. he created me 28 years ago knowing that this is what i would do and he made it possible. he gave me the strength and patience and love to pour out on my daughter. he gave me the greatest gift i've ever been given next to shaun. i am truly in love.