joy

i was driving back from my lunch break today and got stuck in traffic on nicholasville road. not a big surprise, but today it is raining and cold and there is christmas traffic and i was running late. so, as i was sitting there i decided i wasn't going to be upset. that's right - wasn't. i don't really know how that happened, but that's what i decided. i'm always telling shaun that it's a waste of energy to get angry over things we can't control. so today i listened to my own rule. and as i sat there i started thinking of all the things that bring me joy at christmas.

1- my sweet baby girl and my wonderful husband. i can't tell you how blessed i am this christmas to have them. it was this time last year that we found out we were pregnant. and here we are enjoying and loving every minute with our 3 month old!

2- frosted cranberry. it's a scent that bath and body works has every christmas and it smells AMAZING!! i have a frosted cranberry wallflower in my entry way at home and every day i am greeted by this amazing smell! i ask for the candle every year.

3- red cups from starbucks. i get so excited when i see them. especially when they are filled with peppermint white chocolate mochas! mmmmmm.....

4- wrapped presents. all of my presents are wrapped and under the tree. i love, love wrapping presents mostly because of the bows. i'm not very creative with them, but i just love the way they look. i love that they shine and sparkle under the tree lights, and i think a beautifully wrapped gift makes the actual gift so much more fun.

5- This Christmas by Donny Hathaway. i sing it every year when we start decorating. shaun hates it, but i never care. it makes me want to sing it more! and this year i realized that caroline loves this song too. i'm not kidding. she gets the biggest smile on her face every time i sing that song. even shaun has started to sing it to get her to smile. my plan has worked.....

6- baby jesus. christ. he is the main reason for my joy. he is the reason i wake up, i breathe and that i live the life i do. he is what this time of year is all about. and although i do enjoy giving and getting presents, i will never forget and always be thankful for this gift. eternal life and joy forever.

so this season i am going to do my best to continue to find joy. even while sitting in traffic or driving 3 hours with a 3 month old in the back. joy. joy...

mondays on tuesdays - faith

well, it is not my intention to only post once a week and have every entry called "mondays on tuesdays", but that seems to be what happened here. oh well.

my monday this week was again different than most mondays will be. i had to work. most weeks i will have mondays off, but this week i have thursday and friday off for thanksgiving, so i worked yesterday. my monDAY was nothing to blog about. i did try to leave for lunch and my car started smoking and smelling of burnt rubber. i broke a belt. whatev. i've only had this car FOR 2 MONTHS! but i don't feel like blogging about that. i would like to think about that as little as possible!

so, monday night. i have an aunt and uncle that live here in town and 2 cousins that grew up here but have now moved to new york and colorado. tricia (the one in NY) and lizzie (the one in CO) were in town and we had a wonderful last minute thanksgiving dinner last night because lizzie left to go back to CO this morning, only to jump a plane to uganda next week. she works for YWAM (youth with a mission) and is always off to wonderful places to spread the good news of Jesus. for her to jump on a plane and head out is nothing unusual for our family to hear.
lizzie is leading that life i dreamt about living but never felt "called" to. she was called. and she goes to crazy places at crazy times. but as we were remembering last night, lizzie has the amazing talent to be very close to disaster, but far enough away to stay safe.

Examples:

1- going to azerbaijan right after 9/11.

2- being in thailand when that disastrous tsunami hit in 2004.

3- being in taiwan when that crazy typhoon hit earlier this year.

4- living in colorado and working for YWAM when a shooter killed 2 people on another YWAM base is CO only about 10 miles from her base.

like i said- she's close, but always safe. so, i worry about her, but i have faith that god sends her to these places and he will keep her safe while she is there.

it makes me wonder how people live without faith. so many things that i put my faith in have the basis of god to keep them strong. my marriage. i have "faith" in my marriage, but my marriage is based in god so i first had faith that god would provide me with shaun and we would devote ourselves to each other forever. i have "faith" that the sun will rise each morning. i know the earth and sun are god's creation and i have faith that he will continue to provide sunshine. i need this faith to help me through the day. i need faith to help me through my nights.

i need little reminders that encourage me to keep my faith strong. I know that times will come and uncertainty will strike, but my faith will get me through. my faith is going to be all i have somedays. and although my faith isn't being tested right now, i need to remember how important it is so that in times of trouble i know it's there.

Faith: you know you're gonna live through the rain

Lord you got to keep the faith

Faith: don't you let your love turn to hate

Right now we've got to

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

Lord we got to keep the faith

~Bon Jovi

mondays on tuesdays

i am VERY fortunate to have every monday off right now to spend at home with my baby girl. so, i've decided that on tuesdays i will blog about my mondays. i know it seems like i should be blogging when i'm off and at home, but it's not as easy as you think. (ie: why i only blogged once when i was on maternity leave and that was before shaun went back to work.)

well, this monday was hopefully different than future mondays will be. sunday morning i was woken up by a little baby cough over the monitor. i didn't think much of it because caroline does cough and sneeze here and there. dr. mack (our pediatrician) said that's normal for babies. but as the day went on, the cough continued. and her breathing became louder. so, sunday night shaun and i decided i would call the dr. in the morning and take her in. we put her down for the night around 9:30 and we headed to bed about an hour or so later. then at 1am i woke up to more coughing. i picked her up to pat the cough away, but shortly after i would put her back down she would cough again. i went to go lay in bed when the coughing quieted for awhile, but then laid there awake wondering if she was breathing. i'm sure she is. right? i got up probably 3 times before i just decided to sleep in her room. what? that's right. i just couldn't help but lay down in bed and wonder if she was breathing. but if i slept in her room i would be able to hear her. THANKFULLY we have a recliner in her room. so, i grabbed my pillow and a blanket and settled in.

now, if i was an outsider i would totally be thinking "overreacter!". but i have a friend with a 3 month old. her baby got rsv which is a common and can be very dangerous sickness in babies. she laid him down for a nap one afternoon and then later had trouble waking him up. uh. i just kept thinking about that. i didn't know what was going on with her. i've never had a baby let alone one with a cough, snotty nose and loud breathing! so, in an attempt to get some sleep i slept in her room. all night i was reassured by her heavy breathing. i know it would have been better if her breathing wasn't labored, but at least there was breathing to be labored. i've never felt like i did that night. there was no question in my mind that i was suppose to be anywhere else but in that chair. and not one time was i upset or annoyed that i was sleeping there. honestly i was thankful. thankful that granny gave us that rocking recliner for caroline's room. =)

so, my monday. i took her to dr. mack in the morning and he said she was fine. she had just picked up a little cold, but it wasn't bad at all. there wasn't even any medicine to give. just use some saline drops, clear out her nose and use a humidifier at night. easy stuff. as long as she doesn't run a fever, she will be fine. so we went to the gap, and then went home. she was a happy sweet baby all day. she even wanted me to take her picture and send it to daddy to reassure him she was OK and feeling better.

but i keep thinking about sunday night. the fear that took over me when i thought something might really be wrong with her. the reaction to go sleep in her room and the fact that i didn't even question it. i've heard stories of mom's sleeping with their babies or sleeping in their rooms and i have to admit i always thought that sounded crazy. but when i thought something might really be wrong with my baby and that she might stop breathing while i was comfy in my bed, what other option did i have? i woke up with every sound she made. i laid there and watched her to make sure her little chest was moving when i couldn't hear her breathes. i got almost no sleep at all, but still managed to function all day monday, until shaun got home from work. honestly, i didn't even notice that i was tired until he was there.

i've come to the conclusion that i have a new super power that i was unaware of. one that hadn't been tapped into until caroline was born. it's a power that probably every mom knows about, but doesn't know how to explain. or has never bothered to explain because it came so naturally it didn't seem weird. it's the power to function on no sleep and love every minute of it because you know your baby is ok. i've heard that mom's had super powers but now i understand. and i'm sure that i'll discover other powers along the way. and i anticipate using this power many more times in the future.

and yes, i would like a cape. a green one of course...

an update! (happy shaun?)

what a whirlwind! i feel like it was just yesterday that i was sitting at this desk, blogging about how i can't wait to have a baby! and now 10 weeks have passed and i have blogged once. but it's not like anyone really reads this. just shaun. he asks me weekly when i'm going to blog again. well here you go shauny, i'm bloggin'!

well as you can imagine, as a new mother, things have been busy. but, things have been wonderful. every morning starts early, but starts with the sweet smile of my baby girl.

i am now back at work, so that smile means the world to me. it helps me know that she remembers me and loves me, even though i can't be with her all day like i have been for the past 9 1/2 weeks. of course, i know that going back to work is way harder for me than it is her. i doubt she fully understands what has happened. but, i still worry that she won't recognize me when i pick her up. silly? i don't care. i can't help it. she has been my world for the past 10 weeks, and now i'm away from her for 8 hours a day! 8 hours! and those 8 hours are the best hours too. she is happy and smiley after each bottle. and effortlessly falls asleep in my arms once she is done "playing". she talks and coos while i'm changing her diaper. and i have been able to witness every milestone so far. now i can't help but wonder what i'm missing at this moment. or i can't help but think about what she is doing. is she sleeping? eating? crying? laughing? all those things i miss.

the bright side to all of this is that she is mine FOREVER!!! of course i miss my baby. that is to be expected. i just have to focus on the fact that i get to see her everyday no matter what, even if it's only for a short period of time. everyday i get to hold her and kiss her and love her forever and ever.

i'm so thankful for the time that i had off. i'm thankful that i got to be home and witness everything that happened in her first 10 weeks of life. i still can't believe sometimes that i was fully responsible for a newborn baby. that anything and everything that she needed had to be provided by me. i was her life line. and still am. that is a crazy concept when you think about it. i created and carried a human. and now she is my responsibility forever. wow. wow. it just goes to show how amazing god is. i mean, it's really all him. i did carry caroline for 9 months, but god formed her in my womb. he kept me safe so that i could protect her. he created me 28 years ago knowing that this is what i would do and he made it possible. he gave me the strength and patience and love to pour out on my daughter. he gave me the greatest gift i've ever been given next to shaun. i am truly in love.

our baby is here!

i have a two week old baby girl? WHAT?!?

so life has changed quite a bit lately. baby cook finally arrived in the package of a 7 lbs 11 oz. baby girl. caroline elizabeth. she is little and squirmy and soft. she pretty much just cries, poops, sleeps and looks around, but she's still perfect. our perfect little girl that i've been waiting to arrive for 9 long months. sometimes i still can't believe she's here. i still can't believe that i am a mommy and shaun is a daddy. and that we are now responsible for raising a daughter.


there have been quite a few adjustments around the cook house. our living room now looks like a daycare. pacis and blankets laying around. a pack n play and swing have been squeezed into one corner. and baby clothes like socks and pants are in the strangest places. but it all seems very normal for some reason. it's seems like this is the way things have always been.

kona has adjusted perfectly. i couldn't been happier about the way he has welcomes and adjusted to the new little cries and squawks that come out of caroline. i can tell that when she gets really upset he worries about her. he'll come and give me a look like "is she ok?" but mostly he just lays around her pack n play or at my feet when i'm holding her. we have made an effort to still love on him so he doesn't feel left out. and he has been great on the few walks we have been about to go on.

and shaun and i are adjusting together. it hasn't been easy, but because we are working together, it really hasn't been that hard. it's been really nice having him at home. he is being as helpful as possible and i'm so thankful for all he has done. we are learning more about each other and what we are capable of as couple. i knew he would be amazing, and i'm so thankful that we are doing this together. it's would be near impossible without him.




so now what? i kind of think that each morning when i wake up. what will today bring, because so far almost every day has been different. i guess we'll just wait and see...

gone green

i love green. i can't help it. every where i go i'm always drawn to green things. green books, green towels, green jewelry. you name it and i pretty much like it in green. (except green clothes - i don't really wear green) so, last night i was looking around my house and realized all the wonderful green things i had accumulated or created over the past years. everyday things that i can't live without. i've always thought to myself, "i don't want to go overboard with green" but i think i've realized that's not possible! =) green is such a WONDERFUL color. it's soothing and calming and comes in so many different shades. i have one favorite shade of green and lucky for me IKEA loves it too! many of my favorite green things have been purchased there.

so, last night i decided to capture some of my green favs and share them with you. i've never had this many pictures on my blog before, and i'm totally excited that all of them are green! green....how can you go wrong?!?

some great green storage boxes from IKEA. right now holding all the wonderful cards and keepsakes i wanted to save regarding baby cook.

my wallet. i decided to buy this a few years ago when i realized it was time for a "big girl wallet". i was skeptical about this "big girl wallet" purchase because most that i had seen where black or brown. very "adult" like. but then this green one walked into my life. perfect!

my iPhone case. the case is a necessity. the green is a given.

a tiny green vase for tiny bouquets of flowers. given to me by my good friend kate. she knows me so well.

the nursery. one of the reasons why not finding out the sex of our baby has been so perfect for me. this baby has a lot of green. including a green room with a green polka dot diaper hanger and green and blue fish on the wall. duh.

my bible. a gift from my sweet husband this past valentine's day.

one of our bathrooms. probably my favorite room in the house because of the color scheme.

a collection of green vases i have purchased at thrift stores over the years.

my glasses. it might be hard to tell, but the entire inside is a fun shade of green.

the hubs. wearing a green shirt i no doubt picked out or purchased for him. i couldn't resist putting him in my green blog. he as wearing the perfect color.

a lovely necklace i am buying today. i can't resist it. candysart.etsy.com

so there you go. i hope you enjoyed this display of my obsession.

and yes, i realize my name is jade, and jade is a green stone or color. this name i was given may or may not be the reason for my love of this color. but maybe by having the name jade, i don't look quite as crazy...

came and went

i knew it would. i knew that aug. 29th would come and pass just like any other day. but i was still REALLY hopeful that it would be a day of new beginnings. but alas, it wasn't. in fact, the whole weekend came and went. and now i'm sitting at work, pretending to work. (although i think everyone around me knows i'm really not.)

it's a weird feeling knowing that the day our baby was suppose to arrive has passed. for so long, aug. 29th seemed sooooo far away. now, it kind of feels like i did something wrong. like i missed some kind of deadline for a project or overslept for an exam. i keep thinking, "what do i do now?" i know that it's totally normal for a baby to be overdue, it's still just a weird feeling.

and plus, i can't focus on anything but the baby coming. every pain, every movement the baby makes has me thinking, "this could be it!" but it's just little bc getting cozy again. i guess in a way i'm not really surprised. staying in bed when i'm warm and cozy is one of my favorite things to do. i hate that feeling when the alarm clock goes off and i can't snooze any longer. if this child is anything like its mother, i could be pregnant for another 2 weeks!

i read this morning that "a watched pot never boils" so i need to keep myself busy and try not to focus on the baby being late. how the HECK am i suppose to do that? i'm expecting my first baby! and i don't know if it's a boy or a girl! and i don't know exactly when it's coming! and i've been playing this waiting game for 9 months! and i'm excited and scared and ready and nervous! i keep thinking, "i'm not ready to be a mom" while simultaneously thinking "if i'm not a mom by the end of the week, i'm going to loose it!!!" uuhhh....breathe jade, breathe. =)

i'm thankful for the wonderful pregnancy i've had so far. i'm thankful for shauny and how great and caring and sweet he continues to be. he is so ready to be a dad and i'm thankful that god brought us together almost 4 years ago, and now we are about to be parents together. he told me the other day that i'm one of the most even tempered persons he knows. i'm trying to maintain that these days. i'm trying to focus on everything good around me and not focus on my tardy baby. i know that bc will come out when they're ready.

just take your time little one. mommy doesn't like to be rushed or pressured either....

does he know something i don't?

kona. he's our pre-kid. he's the one that we show pictures of and talk about when others talk about how funny or cute or bad their kids are. we share stories about kony.

but lately kona has been acting a little different. not necessarily bad, just different. basically, this is what he does when just he and i are together.

he just lays there. and stares at me. and whines at me. and it's not the "i need to go out" whine or the "pay attention to me" whine. it's kind of like an "are you OK?" whine. does my hairy four-legged pre-kid know something i don't?

since i've been pregnant, kona and i have formed a bit of a routine. he's been closer to me when he's not distracted by a walk or going to the park. but it's been more intense lately. every morning he sits right under my feet while i eat breakfast. and most mornings he lays right outside the bathroom door while i shower. and then moves to outside the other bathroom door while i put on make-up. always near by and always just staring at me. i've recently nicknamed him the "corner creeper" because he just pokes his head around corners and stares at me. as if to make sure i'm OK. is this weird? am i imagining this? maybe. but maybe my aussie is smarter than i think. i'm interested to see how he reacts when labor comes. maybe he'll be the calmest one there, because he already knew....

my new best friend

pregnancy is one of those things that you think about and plan for, but are never quite 100% ready for. i guess that's most things in life. that is most likely going to be parenthood. but right now i'm in pregnancy-hood and one thing i was not ready for was fatigue! it hit me like a TON of bricks in the beginning. i was sleeping all the time, anywhere i could. in the very beginning when we weren't ready for the general public to know i was pregnant, i slept in my car on lunch breaks. that's right, it was january. but i parked in the sun, used my wool jacket as a warm blankie and snoozed for about 40 min. everyday! i had to. it was for survival!

then came tri-mester 2. so easy. so nice. sometimes i honestly forgot i was pregnant. my belly was growing but i was fine. sleeping well and the tiredness was gone.

then came tri-mester 3. and my heavy eyelids returned. not only am i carrying around a 7 lb child, but i've gained weight. yes, i've gained weight. too much weight. so....i'm not sleeping well at night. i'm getting up to pee 3 and 4 times a night. and i'm tired. really tired.

and then came along my new best friend. i got sucked in by a free coupon and have never looked back. i visit my best friend in moderation, but everytime i do i am blissfully reminded of how wonderful our relationship is. it lifts my mood and opens my eyes. i love my new best friend, and i can tell it loves me too.

not today...

you know that feeling you get when you're about to take a long awaited vacation? you have been planning and preparing and you know that a week away from work is soooo close. it's just about the only thing you can think about. or, that feeling you got the week before your wedding? back in 2006, it was july 21st. and almost every thought of every day revolved around that day. i knew it was going to be the most amazing day of my life and i was going to start an amazing adventure with the man i loved.

the thing about vacations and weddings is that you know the day the adventure will begin. you have it marked on your calendar and when that day circled in red is here, you wake up ready to hit the road! now, imagine preparing and planning for that day, but not knowing exactly when it's coming. every morning you wake up and think, "is today the day?" or "crap! i thought for sure we would have left sometime in the night!" well, I'M THERE!! i'm here! just waiting. getting up every morning and going to work like usual, but sitting at my desk wondering, "will i be here tomorrow?" and you would think that this thought would motivate me to get as much done as possible in preparation for my departure. but it doesn't. i can't focus. i'm constantly thinking about being off FOR 2 MONTHS!! i'm constantly reading stuff online, looking at baby announcements options, and blogging!

and you know how right before you leave for vacation you think, "i can't eat that! i've got to put on a bathing suit in 4 days!" or how you can easily pass on that donut right before you get married because you think "i'm about to have a million pictures taken of my on the most important day of my life! passing up that donut is TOTALLY worth it!" well, here's what's going on in my crazy head! "when this baby comes, i am back on the weight watchers train! but until bc gets here, i'm going to live it up! and bc might be here tomorrow, so i might as well have a donut for breakfast and a blizzard after dinner because soon i won't be eating either!" and you might be thinking, that's not so bad. but what if that has been your frame of mind for the past 2 weeks?!? i'm going to have a 12 pound baby at this rate!!

ok, ok. i sound like a crazy person. a crazy pregnant lady who will forget about all this nonsense soon because i will be a different kind of crazy. but right now, i have a problem. an impatiently-waiting-can't-stop-eating-sweets kind of problem. this is normal, right?

the one

i live with my best friend. i live with a person that i want to spend almost every free moment i have. i live with a wonderful man. yes, i've lived with him for the past three years, but i've been thinking more and more about "us" lately. we are about to embark on a new journey and a new chapter of our life together. i sometimes do think of our life together as a book. and i know that there was A LOT that happened before our book started, but right now our book is the main one i'm thinking about. and the first part of our book was all about us. no one else. yes, we got a dog and bought a house, so those were interesting aspects of our book, but we were still the main characters. but soon, someone new will be entering our story. and like every good book, our book is only going to get better with time. but, these upcoming chapters wouldn't be possible without the beginning of the book. and that's what i've been thinking about.

we are at such a wonderful time in our life and i look at shaun and appreciate him more and more these days. i see how excited he is about having a baby and i can't wait to witness him as a dad. i've realized more than ever over these past 9 months how shaun really does love me no matter what. i've had a great pregnancy, but i have still had the typical "pregnancy moments". bursting into tears VERY unexpectedly, flying off the handle about nothing at all and changing my outfit just as we are walking out the door. and every time he patiently waits, consoles my unexplained tears, and forgets my crazy rants.

we have laughed so much lately. we have spent a lot of time together and we have grown in our marriage. we have learned more about each other and i have realized that there is no one else in the world i would want to do this with. i don't think he's the one, i know he's the one! and i can't wait to see what our next chapter will bring.

trying to understand

i've been trying to think about what my next entry would be about. i've thought - do i want it to be more about who i am, or about my thoughts on having a baby soon? or do i want it to be something funny and light-hearted? but then i thought, what am i thinking about the majority of the day? that's what my entry should be about. my thoughts and what has them captured on a day to day basis. right now, it's elliott. elliott o'neil warning. the precious 2 1/2 pound baby girl of my best friend.

being 39 weeks pregnant, i haven't had the pleasure of meeting this little baby who is currently residing in a NICU in nashville, tn. but i have honestly never felt closer to a newborn baby before her. i have to say - thank goodness for facebook! she was born at only 28 weeks. cami got pregnant about 3 months after i did and has already welcomed her baby into the world. she is so tiny. but she is so strong. i saw video this morning of her sucking on a pacifier. it was the most amazing thing i've ever seen. her little chest and stomach were working so hard, it amazed me that she was even able to do it. she is truly a miracle and i am so proud of cami for creating and protecting such a perfect little being.


seeing little elliott does make me think about the little miracle inside of me. i wonder if bc (baby cook) will have to be a fighter at some point in their life. will it be in the beginning, sometime down the road, or will my baby ever have to go through something like elliott? and if not, how did we get so fortunate? i have quite a few people in my life right now that have difficulties in one way or another when it comes to having a baby. and even in the most amazing and joyful time of my life, i mourn and pray for these dear friends. i wonder why god hasn't blessed them with what they so eagerly desire. i wonder why this process has been so easy and smooth for shaun and i, but is bumpy for so many others. i try NOT to wonder down the road of what could come, but i do wonder if things in our life are too good to be true. and i wonder what god has in store for these families. he knows our every thought and all our desires. why are we left in the dark on his?


trust. i just have to trust. i just have to trust and remind myself that god has his plan. he has always had a plan. and it's not like his plan is going wrong and we have to wait until he figures out a new one. it's HIS plan. and although we are sometimes left in the dark, it's still a good plan. the best plan there ever was. it was his plan for elliott to come 12 weeks early. it was his plan for shaun and i to get pregnant so quickly. it was his plan to take little babies to heaven, and it is his plan to bring a heavenly home to little babies in need. and although some of those plans sound insane and crazy to me, i am trusting in his plan. he has never failed me, even though i fail him everyday. and he has never been wrong, even though my mind can't always comprehend how he's been right.


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

what am I doing?

i've seen blogs. i've read blogs. i've been pretty interested by other people's blogs. but i never really considered being a "blogger". (doesn't everyone who starts a blog say that?) but today i more than considered it, i have started it. i am blogging. not for anyone in particular. in fact, i'm considering not even publicizing my blogging to anyone. i just decided that i have a lot on my mind and my plate right now. i have a lot of things to think about and to think through. i thought starting a blog could be helpful for myself. and if i let others know about this blog, it could be funny or interesting to them. we'll see. i might bomb at this. but i figured i would at least try.

so, i'm looking forward. i decided on this title for two reasons. 1- i want to be a "looking forward" type of person. now, i'm all about living in the moment and appreciating what i have and what is around me. but i know that in a way, this is who i already am. i like to look forward and i like thinking about what is to come. not living in the past and thinking about what could have been. worrying about what could have been is not for me. i don't want to live my life like that because to me, that is not living.

reason 2- i have A LOT to look forward to right now. i am less than 2 weeks away from my due date. we don't know what we are having and this is our first baby. (yikes!) i am so looking forward to meeting the newest cook. i am looking forward to knowing if we are having a son or a daughter. i'm looking forward to seeing if our baby looks more like shaun or myself. i'm looking forward to holding and touching and smelling and loving our newest addition. i'm looking forward to no longer being pregnant...

and that's what i figured this blog would mostly be about. our new baby. my attempts at being a new mom. my lack of sleep and my overflow of love. my need for advice and my attempts at giving it. i think this blog is going to keep track of things i can't remember and maybe don't want to, but i think it will be good. i think i will enjoy this time of writing out my thoughts, my prayers, my faults and my joys.

so here it is. my first one. my first attempt at being a blogger. my first entry in a journal i share with the world. or maybe just shaun...